While taking a walk, just to sort things out inside my head, I found myself meandering without any sense of direction. I ultimately found myself behind an old building. As I looked up I noticed that I recognized this place. I was behind a place of legend. I could hardly believe it. I rubbed my eyes, expected to snap myself out of this dream, but a dream it was not. It was real. I was standing behind Tattooed Steve's Storage Unit of Terror! Many believe that this isn't a real place, that it's just something that parents make up to scare their kids into submission but alas I can attest to it's authenticity! Tattooed Steve's Storage Unit Of Terror is REAL!
As the reality of the situation became more and more clear, I began to look around and that's when I noticed that there was a secret door in the back, and to my good fortune, it was ajar! I slowly peeked my head inside, not knowing what to expect. After all, since I wasn't even sure this place of legend existed, I had not a clue as to what may actually lie within the walls. It was too dark. I couldn't see a thing! That was when I noticed that I had a flashlight attached to my belt. How the hell did that get there? I didn't even know I was wearing a belt! I chalked it up to fate and decided to investigate! With my trusty battery operated torch in hand, and feeling like a modern day Indiana Jones, I peeked inside once again. As my eyes darted back and forth, I had great trouble trying to digest all that I was seeing. It was the most overwhelming experience that I have ever, well, experienced! There was so much to see, so many boxes, and crates, so many shelves and curios, and that's not including all of the eerie things that had either been stored outside of any container or had escaped their packaging, all under their own control! What WAS this place? I decided that I had to investigate this curiously creepy place further. I took a deep breath, swallowed hard, and entered the domicile to possible pending doom!
I shined my flashlight all about. As it's light flickered and bounced from one wall to the next, my fear became more intensified. Was this all a mistake? Should I have simply walked away before even considering steeping inside this place of nightmares? Or was that it? Nightmares!?!?! Was I dreaming? Could it be possible? After all, I've dreamt of scary places before, so perhaps that's all this was....a nightmare!!! How could I be certain? "Pinch yourself, you jackass!" is what I thought to myself. Not one to argue with the voices inside my head, I went ahead and pinched my arm. After letting out a loud yelp, I realized two things. One being that I needed to trim my index finger's nail because that sucker's sharp as hell, and two, this was no dream. This was REAL!
It was about that time when I heard the most unsettling, eerie, inhuman guttural sound! It was unlike anything that I had ever heard before. As a matter of fact, I could not even properly describe it as it sounded nothing like anything known to man! I took a few steps forward, shaking uncontrollably when I once again heard that unholy sound! "What the f*&% was that?" I asked myself. The fear that this sound instilled deep into the fiber of my being caused my shaking to worsen, which then caused me to drop my flashlight!
Again, that sound echoed inside this chamber of horrors, and this time I felt it echo inside of my body. It felt like a rumbling throughout my entire torso. "Oh shit,", I thought to myself, "That's just the Taco Bell I had for lunch kicking in!". Knowing the identity of this sound was a relief. But that sense of relief soon turned into primal fear since, as we all know, once Taco Bell kicks in, you had better be really close to a toilet!
I, very carefully, knelt down to pick up the flashlight, keeping my cheeks firmly clenched, when I suddenly got the feeling that I was not alone here.
I noticed that there was a door toward the back end of the main room, or chamber, or whatever it was, and there was a bright light emanating from underneath the door! It was a room! I slowly made my way to the door. My hands were shaking, my knees were trembling.
As I reached the door, it swung open, as if the full force of nature had kicked it open! Frightened, I closed my eyes, fearing what it might be that I see once they are opened! I heard what sounded like an eerie laugh, which made my the hairs on my arms stand up. As I opened my eyes I saw the figure of man, or something man-like, standing there. The light behind this figure was so bright that I could not make out even a single feature in his face.
I attempted to block this light from my eyes by holding my forearm up, shielding my eyes as best as I could. Just then this figure turned around and lowered the light's brightness. Now I could finally make out who, or what, I was looking at!
I could not believe my eyes but there he was, the one and only Tattooed Steve Mezo! Although many claim that he is but a myth, an urban legend, I can tell you now my friends that Tattooed Steve does exist!
I told him all about my journey here, how I didn't know how I ended up here while taking a short walk, about my knowledge of the tales about his legend. I told him everything. Well, expect for the Taco Bell part. I figured he didn't need to know every little detail. Besides, as scared as I was when I first saw his outline behind that door, chances are pretty damn good that he could smell the Taco Bell!
He told me about how he was a fan of horror movies, how he had even starred in some & worked making the special effects for others. He even gave me a ticket stub from a screening for a double feature of "Invasion for Flesh and Blood" and "Flesh Eaters From Outer Space", two of the films that Steve had starred in! He told me about his huge collection of movies and memorabilia. He then told me about something he had never told another living soul. It seems he had been working on a revolutionary device that takes the memories of movies, toys and other things from your youth, and if you hold them near and dear enough to your heart, the machine causes them to manifest into actual movies, toys and memorabilia. Steve had just completed work on the device when the door of the storage unit slammed shut, locking him inside with nothing other than video cassettes, posters, lobby cards, action figures (and other toys), his Stratosphramogram (that's the name of the aforementioned memory into reality device), a Pepsi machine, a popcorn machine and a lifetime of blissful movie and other childhood memories! Here he had been, all of this time, trapped inside of his storage unit, the only place where he could go to spend time alone with nothing but his movies and memories. Over the years, his disappearance led to stories of exactly "What happened to Steve Mezo?". As time passed, the stories not only grew in numbers but they also morphed into legend. Steve Mezo, the cool dude with tattoos and a love for all things horror (and toys) became "Tatttooed Steve", a monstrous man-beast who lived inside his now haunted storage unit where he had been known to supposedly snatch up any passers by, chaining them to the walls and forcing them to watch movies. Horror movies. But not the movies that he loves. No sir. The legend says that Tattooed Steve makes his victims watch bad movies, and I mean really bad, not "so bad that they're good" but really bad shit like Twilight, until they can no longer take it and commit suicide by swallowing their own tongues, choking to death. Well, really they'd do anything, whatever it takes, to put themselves out of their misery!
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| The one-and-only "Tattooed" Steve Mezo! |
We talked and talked and talked some more.
We laughed. We cried. We even danced like MC Hammer. Then we sat down and the kind soul, who was wrongfully dubbed a monster, treated me to a night of some of the best horror movies known to man....and even a few from the netherworld, not before witnessed by human eyes.
After the credits from the final movie finished, I turned to thank Steve for this wondrous time only to find myself sitting outside, in the woods, leaning up against a tree. The Storage Unit Or Terror was nowhere to be seen, nor was the man, Tattooed Steve, himself.
What the hell happened? Did I walk all night until I became so exhausted that I sat down, leaned against the tree and fell asleep? Perhaps all that I experienced was nothing more than a dream brought on by exhaustion and a belly full of Taco Bell! Could that be? It all looked and felt so real.
With nothing more to do, I got to my feet, and headed on the long walk home. Hell, I had no idea where the hell I even was, so it was sure to be a VERY long walk home.
I took a moment to collect myself, then started on my trek. As I began to walk, I put my hands in my pockets and pulled out something that had not been there before....
A ticket stub from the screening for the "Invasion for Flesh and Blood" and "Flesh Eaters From Outer Space" double feature. The very same stub that Tattooed Steve had given to me during my adventure inside of Tattooed Steve's Storage Unit Of Terror!
So, the next time someone tells you that the urban legend or myth that you believe in is nothing but a bunch of bunk, you tell them that if Tattooed Steve's Storage Unit Of Terror is real, and it IS, then anything is possible in this wonderfully weird and magnificently mysterious world where we all live!
